Wednesday, July 21, 2004
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Come fly with me, let's fly let's fly away.
*PlOPs dOwn onto ChaiR* I'm so tired babies... I miss school. But i dread projects. Sometimes i don't understand why there ain't something that comes around good? Like school. I love going to school but i hate those time consuming projects that comes along with it. Work. I enjoy the money coming in but i hate the inflexibility of a full-time job. Love. I delight in being able to love n be loved in return but i detest the hurt that is involved. Being single. I love the freedom that i have but sometimes, one just yearns for a relationship. Sigh. No wonder people say there's no free lunch in this world, and that there's a price to pay for everything. Tsk tsk.
I received a msg so sweet today... =)
do u know wat? i'm tired of disguisin my feelings. yea i miss u n i don know y i wanted u to b here wit me so much today.
Sometimes i really wonder what's holding us back. Not that i wanna rush into a r'ship, but like i've said, i'm pretty much happy with the pace we're adopting now. Am i afraid to hurt him? Maybe. Cos i know that love and hurt binds together as a package (haha). So right now i'm trying hard to figure out what's best for us to inflict minimal hurt, that is through deeper understanding n communication. =)
My off day's supposed to be on thursday, but because there's gonna be a function at the bar, my off day's been changed to friday. Hmmm... Just as well, cos there's school on saturday my darlings!!! Maybe after school we can meet up for lunch or something!! And after that i've gotta work. *TiAOs*
I do wonder what it'd be like to hold ur hand, hug u n kiss u.
Qeite < 1:46 AM
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Sunday, July 18, 2004
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What's up with blogger, anyway?
Pfffff. I've been tryin hard to create a new post but it just seems to load darn slow and all of a sudden, i just don't feel like blogging no more. Initially i had so many things to rant about but now, i've lost all enthusiasm. Hahaha. Ok. guess everyone's excited about me, now dat i've posted something up!! =P
Work has been going on fine fine fine for me... Starting to get used to everything, the people, the work, etc. And today, I was actually thrown to one station where i had to use the bladdy micros to key in the orders of two stations and yet at the same time, attend to the tables and take orders and pickup the drinks from the bar and serve the drinks and settle all the bills at my station. (I've included all possible "ands" to let u guys noe that it's alot of work.) And yes, i screwed up. I was so disappointed in myself. Can someone just comfort me? Sigh. I need a hug. A warm n tight one. I noe i couldn't cope. But the headwaiter put me in there n i thot that yea, maybe i should do my best n perform. But i failed. With muddy colours. I wasn't familiar with the micros system because there were so many types of functions in that bladdy system and don't u guys compare it with those we have in Saffron...! What function keys Saffron's Micros has is chicken feet. The Micros at LongBar was Arghs. Incomprehensible. Far too comprehensive.... hahaHa. And not forgetting the fact that i had to attend to the tables and ask for their orders, clear their tables, serve them drinks from the bar and run to the cashier to settle billings. Oh Fark. I guess i'm still raw. Too disorganised. Arghs. Let's not talk about it. One day i'm so gonna be good at it. Cos I am Me. =)
Anyway, i was down with a bad case of flu a few days ago but i still went to work, cos i didn't wanna waste my limited MCs because of a lousy flu and i was in fact, not minding to go to work. And so i went. However, i looked like some hantu, with big fat eye bags, droopy eyes and a pale face. n he saw me. But funnily, i didn't care how i looked at that moment. I sorta felt comfortable with him, so it didn't matter to me how he'd look at me anyway. We didn't talk much, cos somehow we were both in a rush n the next thing i knew was a msg from him came in. He was worried. About me. =) he didn't understand y i didn't take an mc even tho i was sick, so i was like telling him that it was only a case of bad flu, nothing serious, etc. What surprised me was his reply "Alrite. I know how stubborn u r. u'll just have ur way, but..." Does this mean anything to u guys...? Maybe not. But what i felt was I-can't-describe-that-feeling. Someone who shows no possessive/demanding streak in him n accepts me for who i am but yet at the same time making me feel that i'm being cared for. Some of you know my lousy past relationships, Ulgh. Especially Elaine. This babe would know why i felt that I-can't-describe-that-feeling emotion.
And somehow i don't know. I'm beginning to appreciate how things are right now. Cos things seem to be moving at the right pace, not too fast, not too slow. n everyday, i'm learning something new about this man who makes me laugh n beneath the humourous side of him, he wants me to grow. Because he's nice, it makes me wonder if i'm deserving of him. Cos i've been thru so much shit that i can't really believe that somebody nice came along into my life. But then again, we're still trying to know each other. So i wouldn't wanna make too many assumptions about him eh? Lest he's some kinda wolf in sheep's clothing. Haha. Sooooooo, we'll just see how it goes yeA? =) Pray for me!!
How's SIP for u guys...? Drop a tag n let me noe yah??? Please please... Elaine. Call me when u're free. I got so many things to telllll u...... =)
Qeite < 2:22 AM
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Monday, July 05, 2004
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I can't figure out what's wrong
Sigh. I've been feeling so down in the dumps lately. What's wrong...? Yea, love sucks, indeed. Not that i'm in one relationship, but you guys should have read from my blog that i like this cutie who works in the same hotel as me. We've been hanging out together pretty often, and yea, he knows that i like him and he too, admitted that he likes me. But we're not an item. We're probably gonna let it be. Problem is, I wanna get into a relationship, yet i don't feel like being in one. why?
Can't really figure out what's holding me back. All i know is that he has plans to leave singapore n head for italy in 2 yrs time. And my mentality is yea, be together while it lasts. But i don't wanna end up with nothing after putting in effort into a r'ship. that kinda feeling sucks. Seriously, i don't know if we're gonna end up together. But if we do, i'm not sure if that's going to be what i want and i'm not sure if i'm gonna give my best to make it work because like i say, i don't wanna end up with nothing at the end of the day. My past r'ships sucked like hell and i feel like an idiot to be putting in effort into something which reaped nothing but shit. And if we don't end up together, i'll probably end up thinking what went wrong between us and stuffs like that.
I feel that i've changed. Sigh. I lost myself. Gone are my courage to do whatever i feel like doing without giving a hoot about how people would think about me. Before i take any step to contact him, i would spend a hell of a time to think what he might think of me if i do this or do that.
Because he's not my boyfriend, i don't wanna act like he is and i don't feel and i don't farkin dare to do anything which may inflict this thinking into him that i'm tryin too hard. Yet at the same time, i don't want to stop showing my concern, and don't wanna stop talking to him, and i don't wanna stop walking beside him.
We still talk, we still laugh, we still play even though we ain't sure if we wanna get together. However, we both know that if we continue like this, we're gonna fall deeper n deeper. But he said that he won't stop hanging out with me, he won't stop calling me and he won't stop thinking of me. So i made a statement. "you're gonna make me your girlfriend one day". Somehow, i feel that we're trying to stop and take a step back but yet at the same time do what we feel like doing. Sigh... Tell me what to do man, what to do...?!
Gosh I miss you. And i hate it.
Qeite < 2:05 AM
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